Happy Birthday

Well it’s that day again. My dad’s birthday. Which would be a great day to celebrate except that horrible thing called cancer took him in 2010. I’m less angry and bitter with god this year though.

I wont even go there as that is a completely different blog *shrugs*.

Anyway, Here I sit awake thinking about what heaven is like, wondering if their are birthdays in heaven? Is their cake? Do other loved ones and friends wear hats and horns and celebrate with you?

I miss him so much. I miss his smile. I miss his laugh. It’s so odd how you miss most everything about them when they are gone, huh?

I bet my mom has it even worse, missing his touch, his hugs, his kisses, his companionship. I can’t imagine.

You know as the child. I just think about my loss. I never really jumped into her shoes, that must really hurt more than what I feel. It has too, right?

You frickin marry for life, you hope to grow old and live happily ever after and then cancer happens, I mean WTF, why?

Okay, I better not think too much or I’ll be back on my anger-bitter wagon and I’m really trying to find my way back to god, to understand. I think maybe today, on my dad’s birthday I will be a little mad.

Mad that I don’t get to buy him some dorky card and call and wish him a happy birthday and say I love you and hear him say “thank you, I love you too” or better yet maybe even spend the day with him and the rest of the family. Maybe even sing happy birthday, and share his cake. I wonder what flavor cake we would of had this year?

Man, a memory just came up of me, my dad and my mom, a bar in Mosinee and a late night coffee-food trip to Dave’s café, *smiles* it’s good to have memories of him.

I’m sad but I’m glad. Glad I got him as a dad. I won the lottery when I got him. He was kind, generous and taught me so much about the world without even saying much. I watched his actions with others and with himself.

I could be bias here but he really should of won the Father of the year award, every year, Really he should of *nods*.

I sure do miss him and even more so today on his birthday. 24196_1197326268384_3011330_n

Cancer sucks, losing someone sucks…=(

Happy Birthday Dad, I love you and miss you!

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