I sat down to write a blog about my “recent” life as a background extra. From 12 hour days, meeting stars and eating food that sometimes is worse than cold chef boyardee out of a can *pukes a little*.
But, yes there is a but. Isn’t there always with me? *shrugs*.
As I sat down with my whiskey and diet coke. I got into a conversation with a friend about weight, wrinkles, self confidence, body image and other. You know that stuff all of us girls talk about on a Friday night *chuckles*.
I feel like crying now. Not because I’m sad, Okay I am sad. I am sad that we as women don’t really sometimes see how beautiful we are. The beauty that many others do see in us.
We see only flaws, our flaws.
We see that new wrinkle that is on our forehead that wasn’t there a week ago. We see the scale tip to a number higher than we thought we would ever let ourselves get too. We see ourselves in such a negative matter, that we believe that is what WE are, all We will ever be, WE let that define us. It sometimes even consumes us.
Now when I say WE. I really mean me and probably a few of the readers our there. So for all you confident, perfect bitches reading this, NO I don’t mean you with your perfect tits, perfect ass, perfect weight and perfect life *frowns*.
I mean me and maybe you, and yeah maybe even her too…~!!
I mean the girls who go on a diet to lose 10lbs, lose the 10 and still think they need to lose more. The girls who buy face cream after face cream hoping it is gonna make those wrinkles go away. The girls who compare themselves to others and come up feeling disappointed.
The girls who eat salad 5 days a week while watching others eat anything. The girls who eat everything and then wish they ate nothing. The girls who take laxatives, throw up and LIVE on a diet, every day of their life. *raises my hand* If I’m not on a diet, I’m thinking about the next one I’ll do or try, tomorrow even.
This blog is for you.
I am about to tell you something. Something you, me, us, I am sure have heard before. No one else matters. We matter. We do this to ourselves.
Others many times see us as that beautiful, confident, skinny girl with great skin. We ARE the only ones who put these flaws on ourselves.
NO one ever notices that new wrinkle on your forehead.
NO one ever sees you as that fat girl you think you see in the mirror.
NO one sees the 3 new gray hairs you have.
NO one sees our flaws the way we do, trust me they don’t…~!!
Ever see a pretty girl? Comment to her about it and have her say. “Oh but I used to be so much prettier. I had less wrinkles, etc”. WE didn’t see that but that is what she sees in herself. But NOW we look and look for it.
We create flaws for others to see.
Why do we do it?
Why do we pick out anything really about ourselves in a negative matter?
It’s time to “EMBRACE THE HORROR”, we are going to age, we are going to lose weight, gain weight possibly. We are going to get gray hair. We are going to sag, drop and all that, well okay some of us wont. Some of us will make that appointment.
We will get the botox, load our lips with filler, augment our tits, tuck the tummy, and lipo our ass.
Yes, some of us will and hey, thats ok. If it’s gonna make you feel better, by all means do what you gotta do. But at the end of the day.
Why did we, me, us, you do it? Do you feel better?
Is that the end of it, or will there will be more? Do you feel thinner, prettier, more confident?
I surely hope so.
Will you now find a new flaw, something else wrong? Something else to fix? Something else to point out?
I truly wish we could see ourselves as others do, maybe we would realize that we ARE so much more than what we think ourselves to be.
I am flawed.
I am insecure.
But those things don’t define me.
I am also beautiful.
I am confident.
I am Nice.
I sometimes make my body and mind pay the price.
But deep down inside. I will continue to fight the fight.
For me, for you, for us.
I am flawed and it’s ok, at least for tonight.
I am choosing to be imperfectly, perfect.
You can surely join me.